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DREA & SAMHonestly, we're just two girls a long way from home trying to get by with a little help from our friends and this blog apparently. Sam, SPARKY, is in Bloomingtom, Indiana for 10 months of the year and Drea, IGOTNOTHING, is in Boston, Mass. for those 10 months but every so often, they find themselves "comfortably" at home in Los Angeles, Ca. We're pretty cool, no lie. |
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Thursday, August 26, 2010
uneasy rest. for the first time in my life since i was about two years old, i will not be in school; my life is unplanned so to speak and i really do not have a "set" schedule. what freedom i should be thinking. i should be feeling ecstatically liberated to reach this opportunity so early on; leisure of being is something i probably will not be able to experience for some time. so why the abject uneasiness? why the increasing unbidden subdued rolls of anxiety? and mostly why all the guilt pressuring my person into feeling like i should be "doing" something? ask me and i tell you i should be being productive. but what does that really mean. for the majority of my life and all of my conscious one, i have been in a structure - that being school or some sort of activity related to it. i have been so conditioned, and i am not speaking in the bitter anti-establishment sentiment my generation likes to attribute to our demagogic heroes of idealism, nee the 1960s, but rather school is the only pattern of time i have ever known, whether it is fingerpaint & naptime during preschool or history of film and the study of medicine through archaeology in college. and although i am still not yet a graduate (the final childhood milestone i have not yet passed), i have a whole year- dreihundertfunfundsechzig Tage- where i am at my own personal version of absolute freedom. what to do, what to do. i guess all i wish is that i stop feeling so guilty; like something is wrong. i need to erase the old patterns and learn new steps; wear a new path - trailblaze! at least i am going to work so for most of the day i will have something to do...and i am one of three interns now so the loneliness of being a beginner (n00b) is a shared funny awkward smile. ta dah! 7:06 PM
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