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DREA & SAMHonestly, we're just two girls a long way from home trying to get by with a little help from our friends and this blog apparently. Sam, SPARKY, is in Bloomingtom, Indiana for 10 months of the year and Drea, IGOTNOTHING, is in Boston, Mass. for those 10 months but every so often, they find themselves "comfortably" at home in Los Angeles, Ca. We're pretty cool, no lie. |
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Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Blahblah. For an extremely guarded person, when I let people in, God Damn, I let them in. Honestly, I've never analyzed myself this way. I lie to myself and other people daily. I don't mean to lie to you; it's just if I tell you the truth, I'll have to admit it to myself, too and lying to myself is how I deal. I'm sorry. It's me. I have like 5 friends. I trust them to be there for me, but when I don't trust myself, its when the walls come up. I don't think I've ever been able to fully be honest with one friend. I've gotten close but ended up feeling too vulnerable to continue. Either I can't take your pity or by not repeating it, it's like it never happened. This I've known about myself. However, though I'm terrible at letting people in, there are people that I know will always be there for me even when I don't let them. They know me well enough to care about what I offer. When I let you in, I trust you to not walk away. I guess, it's like when I let you in my life, then I let you into a place where you could hurt me. Don't get me wrong. Never to the point where I couldn't recover, hence why the concept of falling in love and being sooo dependent on someone is so absolutely terrifying to me. I never want to be in a place where I couldn't recover, but if I let you in, you need to know that you have so much weight in my life and yeah, I'd recover, but I don't know how long that would take me and I've trusted in you that I won't have to find out. 12:50 AM
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