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DREA & SAMHonestly, we're just two girls a long way from home trying to get by with a little help from our friends and this blog apparently. Sam, SPARKY, is in Bloomingtom, Indiana for 10 months of the year and Drea, IGOTNOTHING, is in Boston, Mass. for those 10 months but every so often, they find themselves "comfortably" at home in Los Angeles, Ca. We're pretty cool, no lie. |
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Friday, July 24, 2009
musings to a thursday night (friday morning) so it's 12-something in the am hour and i am at that point where it's too late to be up but i'm too awake to be asleep...what a dilemma in this hour, the so-aptly named witching hour, i find my mind wandering amongst unborn thoughts of the previous day. today, i think it really hit me how "old" i am. how much i have grown in this past year, these past months and days even. today, i completely understood life, or at least the other half of it all...mortality of course i have always known that we all die and that one day i shall too (i was rather precociously acquainted with the idea at an early age, to such that i was deprived from an after school painting session for speaking the truth so frankly) but i have never really known it. understood it. comprehended it. not even that... before today, i don't think i really grasped the concept. but, today...it hit me. it shattered inside me. its pieces internally combusted and the shrapnel dug inside me. barbs stuck in my cavities and vital organ spaces. it's like someone turned the knobs on my eyesight so the perspective of it all got sharper. and boom, there it is. we are all terminal. i am not so upset about my own timeline, but the fact that everything and mostly, everyone, around me is dying. dying not in the sense of one foot in the door, book me a hospital bed (although i have had some of that lately, too), but the ruins in the making. everyone i look at has a ticker with the numbers counting down above their heads. it is like someone has the time lapse photo button on my vision. bread slices molding before your eyes; flowers growing and dying in the span of a breath. from hospitals to stitches, from doctor's offices to stitches i feel like i am in mourning...mourning ahead of time, but still in the muddle of everything, i am left with this one single though small print, lightly bold. punctuated. concise. one day, i am going to lose the people i love. "Tell your brother to be good Tell your sister not to go Tell your mother not to wait Tell your father I was good As you lay to die beside me, baby I'm the one in the shootin' game Would you wait for me, the other one, would you wait for me?" Your Protector, Fleet Foxes 12:27 AM
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